18/11/2018
So this weekend has definitely been a challenging one for me. A delicious meal & alcoholic beverages on Friday evening (cocktails/rum/champagne!) followed by brunch at Browns on Saturday morning. ^
I have always told myself that I am not "keen" on full english breakfasts so I wanted to challenge this thought and i finally gained the courage to order it in a restaurant despite planning on having a more "safe" option. I have been out for breakfast so many times but have always chickened out on choosing this option. I usually think to myself, "think of all the fat and grease" or "this is not work X number of calories" or "you ate out last night so this is not needed" I can now see that these were all just all excuses which my eating disorder tricked me with...and I did enjoy the breakfast very much! + what I ate yesterday has absolutely NO impact on what meals I choose today..or tomorrow...or next week. I will no longer restrict to allow myself to "enjoy" an evening meal or skip a snack to compensate for breakfast. That is not me recovered. That is me still living in my boring eating disorder bubble.
I just wanted to say, that there is never a "right" time to challenge yourself in recovery. There have been so many where I have delayed challenges or put things off as i didn't feel "ready enough". But i have realised that you cannot progress until you challenge yourself to fearfoods, and not just once, but over and over..and over again. Guilty feelings based around food cross my mind on a daily basis, but I am still learning how to distract myself away from these.
My recovery has taken a number of years but there is no time limit. Every small step is a big step in recovery.
Thank you for reading and I hope this helps!
Stephanie x
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