When you have an eating disorder, eating out becomes something to fear rather than something to enjoy. Sometimes it gets so intense that you cut yourself off from socialising with friends/family purely because it involves food and you would rather feel 'safe' at home, in your own little bubble (I was no exception) When you think about it, it does sound very disordered.; letting something (ie a voice inside your head) dictate what you can or cannot do. I remember feeling that my eating disorder was the only thing that i could 'control' in my life, but looking back, was it actually my eating disorder that was controlling/ manipulating ME? Was i actually becoming more and more trapped? There are so many questions that i ask myself and try to understand.
So, when you are starting out in recovery, it is really important to establish WHY you have developed your eating disorder, how it stemmed, ie was it something that triggered it? Once you understand why, sometimes this can make you see things clearer. During therapy , one of the first things that I remember that I did, was to write down all the reasons why i wanted to stay in my little bubble vs all the reasons why i wanted to get better and be 'free'. If you are wondering where to start, this is definitely a good point. I hope that you will see (like i did, eventually) that there are many more reasons to recover, than to stay in an unhappy and life-destroying little bubble.
I hope this has been useful :)
Love,
Stephanie x
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